God is that you?

God is that you? Who are these people? Why do they care?
Today was an amazing day. Lately I've been kind of funky. I've been asking for more of God but I haven't been pressing in. I haven't been doing my part...
I have to do do my part. Not only for myself, but for those kids in Brasil. The kids that I once fell in love with. The kids that stole my heart on that missions trip, the kids that still have it.
This morning when we were worshiping God, it was so different from when it has been. I haven't been able to come up with a lot to say to God, but this morning I couldn't stop moving, I could stop worshiping, I couldn't stop speaking to Him. It's like my legs were jello, I was walking around loosing my balance and just praising God. It was kind of weird at fist to not be able to stand up straight without stumbling, but I wasn't worried about that. I was worried about pressing in and seeking my Lord and Savior....
Those kids in Brasil need our help. The kids in those favelas need our love, our hope, our hand, Gods hand. People give up on these kids to fast, these families to fast. It is says that if you are born in the favelas you die in the favelas. The favelas are the slums of Brasil. The poorest places. The people that live there don't beleive in themselves because no ones believed in them. Isn't that sad? How would you feel if you were given up on? If you had no hope, no one believed in you? It wouldn't feel very good would it? Think about how you would feel.
Our team is going to get to Brasil very soon, I know it, we know it. We are going to be Gods hands and feet, we are going to walk in His midst, His presents. He is with us where ever we go, He is here with us right now and when we go to Brasil He will be right beside us watching us shining like shooting stars. Like Pastor Joshua said, I don't want to be an ordinary Christian, I want to do extraordinary things for His will and His name. I want to walk down the street in the midst of strife and war in Brasil and be able to break up a fight with just a look, with just a hug. I want to shine for His will, I want people to see Christ in me. I want to love on children and have them see Christ in me. I want more of God, less of me.
This wilderness experience hasn't been easy, I'd be lying if I said it was. This waiting stuff is not fun, and patience I did not have. I'd also be lying if I said I was "good" all the time, which in reality I do a lot of the time. But this is my new quote, "When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life a thousand reasons to smile."
I have a lot to say, but hardly ever say it. There's a side of me that stays in the shadows and I have a disability but I'm not disabled. Reality is, I try not to worry about my health, or myself, I like to worry about other people.. I know God will protect me, He has my back just like I have His. I am and will always shine for Him.
I wonder what would have happened to me if I would have listened to other people and went to school to become something successful and rich...
Welp, we'll never know!
Oh snap...Yeah we will. I am becoming someone successful in Christ right now as we head to Brasil.. And as far as rich goes, no money can amount to the love Christ gives and you couldn't give me a million bucks, a husband, 4 sweet kids and a house to not want to help these kids in Brasil...
Isn't that something...

This Elections woral spin...

As gas prices go down, food goes up. As this election is quickly coming to an end, you know that the one who becomes president is in Gods will because it says in the bible that anyone set above you as authority was put there by God. But you cant help but wonder if one of them is gonna mess America up for good. Obama votes to let abortion happen because he believes in the right to let a mother choose and he also support gay marriage. In the bible it states in Genesis that God made woman from man, from his rib, and that they were join as one. If they pass the law that gays can get married do you know what it's going to do to us as a country? They are going to be allowed to tell young children it is okay for them to marry someone of the same sex. =/ Isn't that wrong? Massachusetts is the only state that has legalized marriage. In Lexington, Mass a second grade teacher read her class a children book about gay marriage called King and King. SECOND GRADE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Thats outraging. The school superintendent stood behind the teacher aswell. Would you want your child taught about gay marriage at 2nd grade? When kids are young they see their mommy and daddy married and they beleive that that is normal, that is okay. But if you start teaching them about gay married their mindset is going to change. They are going to think, oh well maybe im gay or maybe im a lesbian, maybe thats what I am. The thing with girls is that they are all emotions, and they love their best friend so they are going to start thinking, well maybe I love her because im a lesbian... If you teach young kids that it is okay to like their same sex they are going to start beleive thats right instead of a woman and a man. It's all about the mindset...

I'm not racist, never have been, not will be. People may say because i don't support obama im a racist because im white. I'm not, if he had better morals, then maybe i'd support him. but he stands for everything im against. like abortion and gay marriage...

On the Edge of our seats!

As we sit, on the Edge of our seats with Brasil right around the corner we get more anxious and frustrated and irritated at this process. But then we think, this is just a time when we're in the wilderness being tested my God. Our hearts are heavy and everyday we're not in Brasil it feels like shots go right through my heart. BANG BANG BANG... thats the sound of the enemy's attacks. BANG BANG BANG, thats the sound of my heart being torn apart. Then we think the devil has nothing on us, we are Soldiers of Christ, fighting this war, one war for the cause of letting each and every nation know about Jesus Christ. The other is us trying to get these visas, but they are both apart of one battle, one war. It's a spritual war that the devil can not and will not win.

Everyday I wake up hoping that not being in Brasil was a dream. Hoping to wake up on a floor of rocks or something, but when I wake up I am greatly disapoited. I am tucked in COMFORTABLY in my bed in the United States and my host homes house. I left comfortable at the door when I decided to go to Brasil, so why should I be comfortably tucked into my bed when there are thousands of street kids in Brasil who dont even have a roof over their heads? Answer me that... You can't can you? How many times do you go about your life in a COMFORTABLE way?

Have you ever jugded the parents who live in shelters with there children? Or perhaps just jugde parents when they walk by? Do you jugde by appearence or whats on the inside? Do you criticized and down grade people? Am I hitting a sore spot? Trust me, before I was a Christian I criticized people more then I should have. I jugded them without getting to know them as well.

But heres what I'm saying, in Brasil, you cant jugde people like that. You can just love on the children that have no parents, who are street children. They need love and that what I, we intenend to show them. Alot of the street kids in Brasil are there because their parents cant take care of them. They have to many mouths to feed and they beleive they could live better on the streets. Or there parents arent around anymore, perhaps they died or just left. So you dont know, so we cant judge.

As the first year in masters with Brasil it's hard to say what I'll be doing this time next year. Will I be back in Brasil, will I be waiting on my visa again? Or will I be takeing another rout? God will reveal that to me, when I'm good and ready. Jeremiah 29:11 states he knows the plans He has for me. All I know is that the kids in Brasil, and even other nations who are street kids and dont have parents have my heart. I want to show them love. I really do.

If I had to die for the name of Jesus Christ, I would. I would make that decision to follow Him and die rather than deny Him and live. This is not my life. It's His. This is not my will, it's His. I did not make myself, He made me. Therefore if someone put a gun to my head and told me if I denied Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior I could live I would simply say, "Jesus Christ is my Father, My Creator, My Healer, My daddy and I am His Pricess. He created me, I know that, He created you, I know that. Therefore if you kill me you are killing yourself" Granted, I probably wont be able to get all those words out. haha..But I would try. =]]]]]

Hope that helped someone! I am His, He is mine. I will scream and rejoice in His name forever! And ever!!

Continuation to "Being the 1st year in Masters Commission"

As I continue my last post:

Being the 1st year in Masters Commission is definitely a blessing. I enjoy it a lot. At this point and time, I have 5 different people I can learn from and am blessed to have over me. They have already been a 1st years, so they're kind of all my leaderish people. Witch is cool, I dont mind, more people to learn from. During just the month I've been in Masters I have grown in more ways than one. I'm growing closer to God, I want to reach out and touch His face. This year is going to be amazing!

Being the 1st year in Masters Commission!

Have you every felt like the outsider? The one who's not AS apart of the group as others are? Have you ever thought maybe your putting yourself as the outside? Not wanting to get close to people. You get close enough to be their "friend" but back up and become the outsider when you start getting scared of trusting, opening up, or letting them care about you.

That's me right there. It's so hard for me to trust people, let them into my world and know that they want to care but i wont let them... For instance: Here's what I have to say about our team, our family...

PR~Pastor Richard: I have mad respect for him because he is spending his life reaching, teaching, and loving kids...loving kids that don't know what love feels like. I thank him and respect him that he took a chance on me. It's kind of like what Pastor Joshua said, "People that he was a liability to this ministry but Pastor Richard took a chance on him and here he is." Like I could have just gone to college, became a big fancy doctor, lawyer or anything else and been able to support myself and the family i may one day have. But the day I met PR all that changed, he took a chance, not even knowing where I've been or knowing much if anything about me. Just what Maypple has said about me but it's so easy for people to put on fasads and act like there doing good, when they are not. PR took a chance on me, he told me to go home fill out the application and we'd start the visa process in a few weeks. That's all. He allowed me to hang with him and his team, let me stay at the hotel. He just took a chance on me whether he knows it or not. As much as I respect him and thank him for all hes done, i don't trust him.. and PR if you read this, I'm sorry but it's true. But its not just you...read on..

PJ~ Pastor Joshua: Then there is Pastor Joshua who is possible one of the funniest people on this earth, or he may think he is. =P I have respect for him, he's sitting in this dessert with us, the wilderness, wanting to be in Brasil. Back with the team he got to trust him, and to be able to see his girlfriend.. He constantly tells me who loves me and that i shouldn't think its me against every one else and if anything its me and him against everyone else because he's on my side. He wants me to trust him, but i don't. Maybe during charades but in real life it's hard.

Brucie Bruce Bruce: This boy is possibly the funniest Mexiblack person I've ever met. Yes I just said Mexiblack. It's my new word.. haha... We've established our relationship, one day he called himself my big brother and every since we've been so. He will call me little sister, ill call him big brother..kinda cute..haha.. He's really easy to talk to but I don't trust him. Me being a girl, and him a guy, it's really hard to establish that talking and trusting relationship anyways. I try to distance myself. Besides all guys do is hurt you anyways...=/ Ain't that a shame..

Margaret: This woman really does talk alot, but I enjoy it, it makes up for me not talking.. =] Margaret is an amazing person, I possible could kill for her hugs..haha She tried to be bad cop with me yesterday..haha.. PJ took her job though and I think she said something like, "hey I'm the bad cop" lol... "So what should we say at our goal meetings Margaret" Nellie said. "Here's an example, I'd be like heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" hahaha.. That was funny, but anyways there are so many good things about her, and as much as I want to trust her, I don't.

Janel: Nellie: Nellie is possible the sweetest people woman person you'll ever meet. And if you have the pleasure take that advantage. Last night on our prayer walk me and Nellie were pared as a team after we finish praying by our self and we had a good talk. She told me she was just like me with the trust issues he first year. And that it's good to be able to talk to someone rather than saying your "good" all the time. She right, but I'm so use to keeping everything inside, that's what I'm good at. It's so easy to want to trust people but the trusting is so hard.

Lindsey: Lindsey is my roommate kindaish person at our host home. She's pretty cool. PJ says we fight like married people but what they don't understand is most the time we're just messing around. It's funny. Hi moon. =p I like hanging out with her in her room just laughing at stupid stuff. But then again we need our ALONE time. Like i said it's hard to trust.


You see all these people are great people, we're family right. But trusting them is another story. I'm sorry but that's the truth. Bruce told me theres apart of me that I keep hidden and don't show them, and that I need to. But the honest truth is I probably wont. I ask God for strength to trust them but its so hard.
That is all for now.

What is Attitude?

What is attitude? Normally you would answer that attitude is when you are rude or snappy. Right? Well thats not exactly right.
You have two options, "To have a good attitude, or to have a bad attidude." Which will you choose?
For me, it's a little hard, I tend to be snappy with people. It's like when people to say you should think before you speak. Well I speak before I think. It's like when I say something snappy or out of line I feel bad after wards and in my mind I think, "I shouldn't have said that." BUT I NEVER say I'm sorry for being snappy or out of line. It's not that I think I'm right and that I'm not sorry its that I dont know how to bring my mouth to open and say what I need to say.
Everyone knows for me it's easier to write what I'm feeling on paper and then go from there. I'm not good with words or with my mouth. I'm just simply not. Never have been, but I've always been good with writing letters and exspressing myself that way.
PJ said today in our weekly meeting this, "That with myspace, facebook, and IM people get sustomized to that and they dont know how to express themselves without them." Which is true, but not for me. Thats not why I'm the way I am. Alot of the times when I have something to say I dont want to sounds stupid or anything as well as sometimes I dont how to exspress myself.
Basically, being snappy isnt the answer.
Check yourself.
Stop.
Think.
Put your mind to it. Anythings possible through Christ who strengthens us.
So dont be snappy, be happy.

Pattience is a Virtue

THIS WAS OFFICIALLY WRITEN ON OCTOBER, 7TH, 2008. I JUST REPOSTED IT.
I've been preparing for this for months, we have been preparing for this for months. It's so frustrating to know that we are stuck here because the consulate keeps jerking us around left and right. Asking for one thing after another just to delay us from getting to Brasil. But like Pastor Joshua said it's a fight between the Consulate and God. It's a spiritual fight and we are caught in the middle. Brasil is where all us are called, for at least this season of our lives.When I first got to Elk Grove, California everyone was saying "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!" You know what I said? No it's not. Margaret was like, "Honestly it is!" At the time I didn't believe patience was a virtue. But now I've come to understand that without patience we will get no where. Without patience we wont even make it to Brasil because every time the enemy attacks and messes with our mind set and tells his lies a little bit of us will start believe the lier that he is. We wont have patience to fight him. To fight this spiritual war.As we wait to be approved; we pray, worship, seek God, and build relationships. We pray against discouragements and distractions. We pray against sickness and we pray for help. We pray for our Visas and we pray for the kids in Brasil as well as the team some have come to love like Margaret, Bruce and Pastor Joshua. While the other such as me, Janel, and Lindsey long to get there to see what God is doing and to meet the rest of our team. The rest of our family.Patience, it's what we need and what we have. Patience is in fact a Virtue!