4 years ago today, and still feels like a yesturday!

Christmas of 2004, my whold family was together. Something that never hjappens, ever. Christmas 2004 I was 15 and at 15 years old my thoughts were why do I have to tell people how I feel about them, when they are going to be here in years to come to tell them that. Isnt that what alot of people think? That what they have to say to the person they care about can wait because they'll be here tommarow! RONG!! And no one could have understood the depth that Christmas would bring to our family come February 2005, only 2 months later. No one new that one of our own would take the life that God gave him and no one new that in two months it would be to late to tell the one we loved we loved him.


February 10th, 2005, 4 years ago today! Barly 20 years old, my cousin Brandon Carl Rizzo had a long lasting future ahead of him. Through his life he took a few wrong turns and one cost him his life. Feeling like it would be better if he werent alive any more, he put aside the pain and thoughts of family and now he doesnt hurt anymore. I hated him, for a long time, resented him infact. I hated him for putting his selfish needs before the happiness of his family. He could have never understood how much pain he would bring when he left this earch. Four years l;ater I now realize I was aa hypacrit for hating him for taking his life.

Although it has been fuor years since the death of my cousin it still hurts. My soul hurts, my heart atchs for those who beleive they would be a better asset dead, and my brain runs with unanswered questions. I used to wonder why it haoppened and I used to wish I would be taken ininstead of my cousin. Today was a hard day and I tried so hard today to have a smile on my face and not act like I was sad, like I was hurting. I'm better then that. I shouldnt be hurting 4 years later should I? I mean, he's gone, dead, vanished and never appearing again. Is it right for me to still hurt? I do still hurt, for many reasons, but I dont have him anymore. I also dont blame him for anything that has happened in my life or for the choices that I have made, because they have been my choices. But I do wish he could see me now, see the person I have become, not the mistakes I have made. I wish he were here to see that I will change the world, not for him, not for me, but for God!

Be Blessed!
I'm going to change the minds of many people who wish they were dead, just watch! Iy wont be me, it will be God in me! I pray that God will put those people in my life so He can work through me and tansform the hurting.